Totally not a stylised photo! Trying to get a photo with both kids when you're seemingly constantly breastfeeding, makes getting a shirt on a challenge.
So, I lasted six months.
Six months of being an exclusively stay at home mum to Archie (2 1/2) and Kairi (6 months).
Six months of breastfeeding both kids (although Archie is nearly weaned), of spending most of my day cooking and cleaning, and of organising playdates in a chronically sleep deprived state.
Six months of attempting to care for myself in the way a "holistic nutritionist should" whilst managing my own feelings of inadequacy, disempowerment and overwhelm; the same feelings experienced by so many women my age who, like me, are striving for autonomy, more rest time, and the high levels of "wellbeing" that they see epitomised in a privileged few... often whilst mothering small children with a fraction of the support they actually require.
Six months of spending almost all of my waking hours caring for others with the general lack of recognition that comes with the emotional and physical labour of motherhood.
Six months of trying to be the new age Gold Coast attachment parent I thought I needed to be. The infinitely nurturing, gluten-free cake baking, cooing-at-my-baby-all-day, $300 boho dress-wearing Earth Mama I once thought I needed to be.
And although I swore I would soak up every second of motherhood I could this time around, and although I swore I wouldn't go back to work for at least a year... I'm back.
And as politically incorrect as it may seem, I'm absolutely thrilled to be working again!
I have missed it, badly. I've missed seeing clients, embarking on scholarly endeavours, creating workshops, and planning yoga classes. I have missed doing good work, I have missed it in my bones.
Don't get me wrong - I adore my children. But that includes ALL of my children - creative children, as well as biological children.
For me, activating the full time motherhood and nurturing circuits takes a toll on me physically and mentally. I can't be entirely happy and healthy unless I'm feeding my creative baby - my work - also. And I finally realise that this is OK.
Six months of being an exclusively stay at home mum to Archie (2 1/2) and Kairi (6 months).
Six months of breastfeeding both kids (although Archie is nearly weaned), of spending most of my day cooking and cleaning, and of organising playdates in a chronically sleep deprived state.
Six months of attempting to care for myself in the way a "holistic nutritionist should" whilst managing my own feelings of inadequacy, disempowerment and overwhelm; the same feelings experienced by so many women my age who, like me, are striving for autonomy, more rest time, and the high levels of "wellbeing" that they see epitomised in a privileged few... often whilst mothering small children with a fraction of the support they actually require.
Six months of spending almost all of my waking hours caring for others with the general lack of recognition that comes with the emotional and physical labour of motherhood.
Six months of trying to be the new age Gold Coast attachment parent I thought I needed to be. The infinitely nurturing, gluten-free cake baking, cooing-at-my-baby-all-day, $300 boho dress-wearing Earth Mama I once thought I needed to be.
And although I swore I would soak up every second of motherhood I could this time around, and although I swore I wouldn't go back to work for at least a year... I'm back.
And as politically incorrect as it may seem, I'm absolutely thrilled to be working again!
I have missed it, badly. I've missed seeing clients, embarking on scholarly endeavours, creating workshops, and planning yoga classes. I have missed doing good work, I have missed it in my bones.
Don't get me wrong - I adore my children. But that includes ALL of my children - creative children, as well as biological children.
For me, activating the full time motherhood and nurturing circuits takes a toll on me physically and mentally. I can't be entirely happy and healthy unless I'm feeding my creative baby - my work - also. And I finally realise that this is OK.
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