I've been doing some pretty heavy duty, socio-political, ideology challenging, emotionally fuelled writing lately, and there's plenty more of that to come. So I thought this blog could do with an injection of good old fashioned, light-hearted silliness.
Don't worry, this post won't be all tangelos and cartwheels. Neither will it be totally devoid of anti-capitalist cynicism. You can rest easy!
What do you do when your shithouse hot water system turns off half way through washing your hair, the bag of expensive organic avocados you swear you just bought suddenly goes from rock hard to frustratingly over-ripe in 5 minutes, and you have a very active toddler to care for, feed and entertain? Why, you make an avocado face mask and pretend for a fleeting moment that you actually have some time to yourself again!
(Bonus points for creating a false image of financial freedom and ample recreational time invariably linked to some MLM scheme you've gotten yourself buried under, by posting photos of you making and wearing said natural face mask containing and mentioning as many of the products you're trying to sell as possible, all over social media.)
Don't worry, this post won't be all tangelos and cartwheels. Neither will it be totally devoid of anti-capitalist cynicism. You can rest easy!
What do you do when your shithouse hot water system turns off half way through washing your hair, the bag of expensive organic avocados you swear you just bought suddenly goes from rock hard to frustratingly over-ripe in 5 minutes, and you have a very active toddler to care for, feed and entertain? Why, you make an avocado face mask and pretend for a fleeting moment that you actually have some time to yourself again!
(Bonus points for creating a false image of financial freedom and ample recreational time invariably linked to some MLM scheme you've gotten yourself buried under, by posting photos of you making and wearing said natural face mask containing and mentioning as many of the products you're trying to sell as possible, all over social media.)
I have a kid but believe me, I have financial freedom and luxury time aplenty! Let me just introduce you to this life-changing product range...
Now I've not applied a face mask since I was 16. I like the idea of having a spectacular natural beauty routine, but I'm also a realist. And I'm lazy as hell. If I wash my hair every 10 days I'm doing well. Ok, every 7 days in summer.
And I'm not one to waste an inexorably expensive fruit by smearing it all over my face instead of just bloody eating it, which I'm sure would be a much more direct vehicle of nutrient delivery. The same can be said for the other food ingredients in this recipe.
However, the timing and situation appeared right to mash up one of the many near-rotten avocados sitting on my kitchen bench and smear it all over my and my toddler's face, whilst waiting for the hot water system to heat up enough water for me to rinse my hair. Plus the organic yoghurt I used, whilst still good, was a month past its expiry date and unlikely to be eaten.
Finally, Archie needed entertaining. Always.
Enter this face mask which I googled in about 0.2 seconds. You could find this at many other corners of the web, but you wouldn't be nearly as entertained as you have been here, would you?
And I'm not one to waste an inexorably expensive fruit by smearing it all over my face instead of just bloody eating it, which I'm sure would be a much more direct vehicle of nutrient delivery. The same can be said for the other food ingredients in this recipe.
However, the timing and situation appeared right to mash up one of the many near-rotten avocados sitting on my kitchen bench and smear it all over my and my toddler's face, whilst waiting for the hot water system to heat up enough water for me to rinse my hair. Plus the organic yoghurt I used, whilst still good, was a month past its expiry date and unlikely to be eaten.
Finally, Archie needed entertaining. Always.
Enter this face mask which I googled in about 0.2 seconds. You could find this at many other corners of the web, but you wouldn't be nearly as entertained as you have been here, would you?
Totally photoshopped.
Homemade avocado, honey & lavender face mask
Apparently this is wonderful for dry, mature, chapped skin making it great as a winter treatment. I'm a dietitian not a beauty therapist so I'd have NFI, but given I'm starting to develop some cute little crow's feet around the old peepers I thought I'd better give it a shot.
1/2 a ripe avocado
1 teaspoon natural yoghurt
1/2 teaspoon honey
1 drop lavender essential oil
I'm not recommending any particular brands of yoghurt or honey, because you know me. Same for the essential oil: because I've used one measly drop. It's really not going to matter whether I spent three times more than necessary on an MLM oil range plus a significant portion of my income on a monthly order just to upkeep my membership, or just bought something cheap from the chemist. If tomorrow I wake up with the face of a 10 year old, I may have to edit this post. But don't hold your breath.
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mash together. Smear all over face. Leave for 10-15 minutes. Then wash off.
I found that when I eventually had enough hot water to wash this mask off, my skin did feel noticeably softer, probably because of the oils in the avocado. And we had fun playing!
1/2 a ripe avocado
1 teaspoon natural yoghurt
1/2 teaspoon honey
1 drop lavender essential oil
I'm not recommending any particular brands of yoghurt or honey, because you know me. Same for the essential oil: because I've used one measly drop. It's really not going to matter whether I spent three times more than necessary on an MLM oil range plus a significant portion of my income on a monthly order just to upkeep my membership, or just bought something cheap from the chemist. If tomorrow I wake up with the face of a 10 year old, I may have to edit this post. But don't hold your breath.
Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mash together. Smear all over face. Leave for 10-15 minutes. Then wash off.
I found that when I eventually had enough hot water to wash this mask off, my skin did feel noticeably softer, probably because of the oils in the avocado. And we had fun playing!
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