Disordered eating & other attempts to feel safe

I painted this when I was 30 weeks pregnant and desperately seeking solid ground and a place to hide.

In my work, I see people overeat, binge, emotionally eat, purge, restrict, starve, diet, dogmatically detox, clean-eat and over-exercise... In an attempt to feel a sense of safety, normality, rightness, and to quell uncomfortable feelings, if only it works temporarily.

In my past, I've done all these things and more in my quest for certainty and safety. Other options are alcohol, drugs, sex addiction, consumerism, workaholism etc.

We tend to judge ourselves harshly when we clamber for solid ground in these ways - especially when that stability doesn't last. Then it's back to the over or under eating, dieting, compulsive shopping, etc.

The ground is constantly splitting open, crumbling under our feet, leaving us feeling unsteady all over again. In the words of Pema Chödrön this is called the fundamental ambiguity of being human.

What if, instead of chastising ourselves for eating that cake, or for exercising ourselves into injury... For being "flawed", we could understand that we do these things because we want to feel happy, safe, loved and comfortable - just like every other human?

What if we remembered our powerful conditioning to constantly seek stable ground and to freak out when confronted with groundlessness?

What if we started to flow with flux?
To be ok with earthquakes, even embrace them?
To relax into the unknown?

​It's the ultimate way of giving the finger to our conditioning - and eventually, of bringing about true change.